Sometimes I like to pretend my life is a musical.
I twirl around the empty house and sing out the rhetorical questions that define the lives of middle-aged women everywhere like, "Why, oh why can't I find my fat jeans today?"
And then, if I'm feeling especially peppy, I will run to stage left (the other side of the room) and pretend I'm the voice of reason, singing in accusatory response, "It's because you wore them yesterday, you fool!"
The lights dim, leaving a spotlight on my tragic persona as I lament, "Perhaps I shouldn't have eaten chocolate cake for breakfast. Perhaps then - then I could wear my skinny jeans with that cute ruffly top today."