Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Last Straw

So, usually I try to keep things fun here. Even when I'm blabbing about stress, I try to find the light side of things. Mostly, I just try to be honest.
But today, I'm pissed at my boss. And I think, in spite of the state of the job market, I'm looking for something else.
I work for a pastor. But, he's not like any pastor I've ever met. And I don't mean that in a good way.
I have tried to find something that I respect about him. I have tried to stand behind part of the ministry there. I haven't been able to find anything to stand behind.
And yesterday, he lit into a family at the church and said,
"You can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the trash."
He told me with disgust that he doesn't touch the girls' head to bless them when the family comes up for communion because their hair looks greasy.
So, these poor girls have grown up in church being the only children that the pastor doesn't touch to bless.
There was definitely more to the conversation and I really don't want to relive the whole thing here, lest I fall into the trap of insufferable gossip that waits for me every day at work.
I'm so angry that I have itchy hives and even a nice glass of wine has not helped me much. I'm going to check out my bath tub and see if that does the trick. I know that seems a wee bit over-reactive, but it's more than the single instance. It's the build-up of such injustices over the course of the last few years. Needless to say, that's it.

I'm done.

It may take a couple of weeks to find something else, it may take a year. But I'm done. And I hope I don't say something stupid in the meantime that gets me fired.
I think it's different in a secular work environment. Maybe you could even further narrow it by saying it's different in a non-church environment. But a church - a pastor? The expectations are different - you expect to find a heart that has mercy and grace and seeks justice, that, oh, I don't know, atempts to treat others like the "least of these."
I've heard it said that the expectations shouldn't be different for a pastor (in comparison to, say, a manager). But I've heard it said by the same people that they'd better get their reserved parking space. I've seen the same people put on their clerical collar so they get better treatment at restaurants and the Post Office.
And I'm ready to spend my time in a place that reinforces my cynicism a little less.

DAILY BLISS: a leaf burn in the orange grove - smells so nice!


Amy said...

I'm there with you sister. Unfortunately I've worked for several pastors and what you're talking about I've found to be common. Praying that you find something soon.

claibornes corner said...

This guy is a jerk - not a pastor. And I hope you find just the right thing that causes you less stress.....Thanks for your husband this week - we enjoyed having him so much. I told him tonight I need Christy here by herself for a couple of days to knit! said...

ugh. i've typed this comment three times, and i can't stomach it long enough to say everything i want, so hopefully this will suffice:

that is bullshit. i would be disgusted and completely unable to keep my mouth shut. so - kudos to you and your self-control! : ) church offices must be different by virtue of being a church. we're called to something higher, and something different.

what a jerk.

60ish and Glad said...

What a lost soul you are describing. Let the Lord guide you in what to do - but I promise you, if you stick up for what is right - He will help you through whatever comes next...been there.

Mary said...

That makes me so sad. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with that and I know it's not isolated to one church or one pastor. There are sadly too many men who are coaxed or pressured into ministry instead of called into ministry.

Be true to the kingdom while you're there. You may start something good.

lubke-moss said...

Yeah. I think Jules witnessed the same awefullness. There are bad apples in every cart I'm afraid. I unfortunately have more than one in my dept right now. And the one I have to deal with claims to be a Christian with verses and such plastered at her desk. It is infuriating. I know it's so hard not to judge and think myself a "better Christian" (it's one of the biggest things I have to struggle with.)
Kudos to your self control. And you are not wrong. Pastors and people in the ministry in general SHOULD be held to a higher standard. They are to be the example, the sheppard.
It's like those evangelist that try to rob people blind by using the name of Christ to exploit. Disgusting!
I'll be praying that you find something meaningful in which the Lord will be glorified.
If I were more brave, we could quit our jobs together and open up a knitting/crochetting/sewing joint that would also house an old fashioned tea room. That's what I dream about during the day. :)

Christy said...

Candace - I'm with you. That's exactly what I dream about during the day too :) In our imaginary world, let's open the shop tomorrow, k?
I was a little worried about someone who knows him reading this. Thanks for being supportive.

lubke-moss said...

I'm there! :)

Penny Sue said...

I'm sorry to hear that. Too many "called" pastors jump into ministry before they work out there own issues..or fail to listen to the Lord and "work out their own salvation"...
Its so easy to get settled in the "business" of ministry and forget what you're their for...the people...(kind of reminds me of our Gov't right now)
If we are'nt about the People we need to get out or get refreshed..I will pray for sustinence, wisdom, and new provision.

the bright side: another opportunity for God to develop His character in you.