In Recovery

Every time I have talked to someone this week, they have asked me if I've recovered yet from The Party. I have smiled and told them that, yes I have - I don't even recall what time I actually got dressed on Sunday due to sleeping for the better part of the day. I have mostly left out the part that I was sick too. It makes me seem like I'm better at resting, like I'm more in control of the situation, if I can allow myself to rest that much after a mere party.
The truth is, since August, we have just had such a string of busy-ness! Most of you handle stress and tight schedules much better than I, I'm afraid. I don't understand how moms manage multiple sports for multiple children and manage to volunteer for various committees and still have time for makeup. Makeup is the first thing to go when things get hectic at my house. And by hectic, I mean a single monkeywrench thrown into the works. Like a late paycheck that delays the grocery trip that cuts into the weekday schedule that throws off the homework schedule that lowers the grades that necessitates more homework time that throws off next week's grocery shopping. Not that I've experienced that string of events. Before last week.
But for us, with the start of school and daddy traveling a lot and the house being tented and two parties in a row (though I won't complain too much about those - I know that those were completely voluntary on my part....), it has been chaos.
I am not made for chaos.
I am made for afternoon tea on the porch and for baking cakes. I'm made for reading and singing with my kids. I'm made for the slow lane.
As much as I'd like to pretend that I'm tough, that I can handle anything life throws at me, I really can't.
For instance, I realized this morning as I was brushing Emma's hair that she hadn't had a shower since Friday. That's....let's see....well, an alarming number of days. It's too late for me to count. I nearly forgot again today.
Shameful.
For all of you that occasionally look my way and think that I have an in-control, put-together life, this post aims to disprove it.
I have considered in the past, and re-considered this week, whether I should just give up my silly little hobbies and sensibilities. Maybe joining the throngs of zombie soccer moms whose children are fed on drive-through kids' meals is inevitable. I've held out for a very long time by now.
I've been a stay-at-home mom before and I love it. I have time to bake and make and sing and play. I still don't keep a clean house, but I have time for joy. I'm working now. It's necessary. My job isn't stressful or anything, but I have found that I just don't have time for doing the things I love. Or maybe I just don't have time to do all the things I love. But - what to give up? I know I can't have it all. I just can't stop trying to.
But maybe it would be eaiser if I traded my pale pink kitten-heels for sneakers and went for the low-maintenance ponytail hairdo. I could let all my gray hair grow out so I don't have to bother with coloring it....that'd be a sight! We could trade one or two home-cooked meals a week for fast food or at least macaroni. Maybe I could spend my evenings organizing my desk instead of knitting. I could get a Palm Pilot or something - Blackberry? Is that what everybody uses? I've been urged to do so - promised, even, that it's just what I need. But I think that it would take so much time for me to figure out how to use it, that it wouldn't end up saving me time anyway. Maybe I could just say, "no parties next year." My hubby's wallet would swoon with relief.
I don't know. I'm just saying - I've been thinking about it.
But then....I'd be just like everybody else. Which I've never been. I think it would make me very uncomfortable.
So, these things have been swimming around in my head - all of these trades that I could make - swapping something pleasurable and time-consuming for something streamlined and efficient.
But I bought pomegranates today. When they appear in the grocery stores every fall, my kids start begging. And I gave in today. They're actually a pretty extravagant treat - pricey, when you consider all the work and the small reward.
I cut them up for dessert, the juice staining every crevice on my hands. I gently pulled each little crimson gem out of the rind. You can't be rough with a pomegranate. If you mistreat it, the juice squirts everywhere and does not wash out of your clothes! Trust me.
Can a pomegranate change your life? Probably not. But it helped me to remember that slow life and simple, beautiful things - that's what I'm made for. Isn't it better to deal with occasional chaos while you pass on to your children the importance of living life from your heart?
My house is a mess. I have papers all over my desk and under my bed and in the living room and in the kitchen. Some of them are important, I'm sure. Some of them contain deadlines that will be missed. Some of them are things I will regret not getting done on time. My children aren't bathed regularly enough. My dog isn't bathed regularly at all. Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.
I'm certainly not advocating an irresponsible life. I'm just saying that sometimes, the things that seem to be top priority can slip down the list a little bit. They can be given less weight than the things that keep us energized and enjoying life.
So, have I recovered from The Party? Almost.

DAILY BLISS: An honest-to-goodness rainbow in the sky (it might have been yesterday, though. the days sort of blend together), my husband telling me I looked hot today and blueberry tea in a mug-with-a-message from my friend.