Well, I made a generalized emotional statement yesterday, consequently, the ONE THING that was picked up by my Faithful Commenters out of yesterday's blog was that I was reminded (perhaps in a regretful way) of how different I am as an adult than I was as a teenager, and everyone (meaning both of you) seems to be curious to know how I have changed, so I will attempt to answer that question. Mind you, this is the sort of internal dialogue I usually reserve for birthdays (I take stock on my birthday every year) and it will be long. I have actually ruthlessly edited what I originally typed.
I think that in this instance, it was more of a spiritual reminder for me. So here's a picture of me right now and a little bit of what I remember about myself from back then:
I used to be more righteous,
But I was also more self-righteous.
I used to know where I stood on important matters,
Now I frequently call my opinions into question. Sometimes even my beliefs.
Maybe I'm just more open-minded, but I'm not sure if that's entirely good. Sometimes open-minded can just mean that you don’t know what you think and you’re waiting for a good suggestion.
I've toned my idealism down a few shades and it looks a lot more like optimism now.
I've never taken much stock in other people's opinions of me. I still don't. I like to know what they think, but in the end, it doesn't really matter to me that much. Well, there is a handful of people whose opinions I really care about - my family, my husband, a small cluster of old friends…..
But on a lighter note, I am much less reserved than I used to be. Which is scary, I guess, because some may remember me as not being very reserved at all.
I have learned that there is more to life than mommy-hood. It’s all I had ever planned to be, and now I find that I will need a plan B. Notice I said “mommy.” Being a mom is worlds apart from being a mommy. You never stop being a mom. There is a difference.
I’m definitely more confident than I used to be. I don’t have the self-image problems anymore that plagued me and most young girls (and, frankly most adult women). Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds. But…..my body gave me a couple of fantastic kids. I can forgive it.
Gray hair? Got it at 18. It’s not a big deal. In fact, it’s a fantastic excuse to try out a wild shade of red on your head. Wrinkles? I have a few…..it’ll probably be a big deal in 10 more years.
As an explanation of yesterday’s comment, I think it's just par for the course that some of life's mud will stick to you if you are determined to live your life off the beaten path. I have expected that much. I think I was just feeling wistful for a time when I wasn't dirty yet. Does that make sense?
Seeing my friend reminded me of the sweetness (maybe that’s not the right word...was I sweet?) I used to have and simplicity of earlier years. I wouldn't trade who I am today for who I was then, but sometimes, I wish that my beliefs and my thoughts could be that simple and pure again. I have fewer and fewer good answers to life's deep questions. We say that ignorance is bliss. Perhaps I was just ignorant back then. Couldn’t we just make wisdom bliss instead? If so, I hope I’m headed in the right direction.
So, thanks, this has been a timely opportunity for me. I needed to carve out some time to listen to what my heart's been up to while my body's been busy with life. I told Chris that I needed to do some writing. He asked me what kind and I said, "the vomitous kind." He looked at me in a very confused way. I explained that I needed to get whatever was sitting in my gut out so that I could feel better. Then I apologized for the fact that he has an overly dramatic wife. But I'm not really sorry. He's the one that asked me. Most of what I wrote will never be seen by other eyes, but it's still a good thing to do.
DAILY BLISS: walking in the door to find my kids and my friend playing twister and swinging on the kids' swings in the back yard - oh! and riling up my neighbor's chickens
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
I Guess I'm Just Boring Right Now
I was reading over some older blog posts today, and I have to admit that there were some great stories in there. They seemed to fly into my brain at an astonishing rate! From the looks of things, it was nearly a daily occurrence. I haven't written a good story-post in a really long time and that makes me feel like I'm getting boring.
I hope it's a phase. I hope it's a Boring For Now phase or something. I like stories, and try as I might, I couldn't make any of today's happenings sound clever or fun.
Here are the dry details:
1) The kids are enjoying summer so far. My dear friend Denise (we've known each other since we were - well, I was six or seven, so I guess she was eight or nine. We were neighbors in Minnesota. Woah. Sorry. My punctuation has created some awkward sentences here. Anyway, my dear friend Denise is watching my precious little ones for the summer this year. I am so grateful that I've not had to hand them over to a bunch of adolescents working for minimum wage at a summer camp! They are already having a blast, and they're looking forward to lots of fun.
2) I ran into an old friend from my teenage years this evening at Wal-Mart. It's always when you're stinky and messy at the end of the day that you run into people, y'know? He helped me remember who I used to be and some of the possible reasons that my life is story-less right now.
3) My pie from Monday is all gone. I miss it already.
DAILY BLISS: a little shopping time all to myself - $25 goes a long way if you work hard enough and shoulder rubbing from my honey (even as I type this, he is working his magic)
I hope it's a phase. I hope it's a Boring For Now phase or something. I like stories, and try as I might, I couldn't make any of today's happenings sound clever or fun.
Here are the dry details:
1) The kids are enjoying summer so far. My dear friend Denise (we've known each other since we were - well, I was six or seven, so I guess she was eight or nine. We were neighbors in Minnesota. Woah. Sorry. My punctuation has created some awkward sentences here. Anyway, my dear friend Denise is watching my precious little ones for the summer this year. I am so grateful that I've not had to hand them over to a bunch of adolescents working for minimum wage at a summer camp! They are already having a blast, and they're looking forward to lots of fun.
2) I ran into an old friend from my teenage years this evening at Wal-Mart. It's always when you're stinky and messy at the end of the day that you run into people, y'know? He helped me remember who I used to be and some of the possible reasons that my life is story-less right now.
3) My pie from Monday is all gone. I miss it already.
DAILY BLISS: a little shopping time all to myself - $25 goes a long way if you work hard enough and shoulder rubbing from my honey (even as I type this, he is working his magic)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Pie
Oh the most, most, most wonderful thing happened to me today. My mom made me a pie. This may not seem magical to you, but maybe you will understand if I explain a little bit...
I have had some weird food allergies/sensitivities cropping up in the last couple of years. I have been slowly figuring out what they are and have come up with enough of a list that, yes, I will be seeing a doctor about it. I couldn't get in until July, though, so in the meantime, I am stuck eating soy-free, dairy-free and gluten-free. Giving up coffee creamer and ice cream was bad enough. Then soy became an issue too, so I had to go to black coffee and rice milk with my cereal. Ugh. But gluten?? Come on! That means bread, pasta, cake, cookies....anything made with wheat, barley or rye. That means I haven't had much in the way of sweets and even chocolate is out of the question. Can you imagine? Me without Hershey's? It's an empty, dreary world indeed.
Anyway, my mom pulled out my great-grandma's chocolate pie recipe after she realized the filling didn't have any milk in it. Stroke of genius! She went to the healthy foods part of the grocery store and found rice flour and quinoa and whipped me up a special chocolate pie - with a crust, even!
So you see, this was indeed the nicest thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I had Andrew take a picture of me with the pie, fully intending to post it here as a testament to the miracle. Chris just thought that was too weird.
We had a fantastic cookout this evening (which came in a close second to the pie) and my youngest brother had us all in stitches - all fourteen of the family and dear friends that sat in my parents' living room tonight. Andrew read an article about the history of Memorial Day and Emma drew a picture of a man saying the Pledge of Allegiance, standing next to the flag.
Summer's now here, in spirit anyway. But I won't start my summer until the solstice. I guess I'm old-fashioned. But at least my belly is full of chocolate pie.
DAILY BLISS: Serious progress on the porch painting and the sheer number of my dear ones that are all living in the same town.
I have had some weird food allergies/sensitivities cropping up in the last couple of years. I have been slowly figuring out what they are and have come up with enough of a list that, yes, I will be seeing a doctor about it. I couldn't get in until July, though, so in the meantime, I am stuck eating soy-free, dairy-free and gluten-free. Giving up coffee creamer and ice cream was bad enough. Then soy became an issue too, so I had to go to black coffee and rice milk with my cereal. Ugh. But gluten?? Come on! That means bread, pasta, cake, cookies....anything made with wheat, barley or rye. That means I haven't had much in the way of sweets and even chocolate is out of the question. Can you imagine? Me without Hershey's? It's an empty, dreary world indeed.
Anyway, my mom pulled out my great-grandma's chocolate pie recipe after she realized the filling didn't have any milk in it. Stroke of genius! She went to the healthy foods part of the grocery store and found rice flour and quinoa and whipped me up a special chocolate pie - with a crust, even!
So you see, this was indeed the nicest thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I had Andrew take a picture of me with the pie, fully intending to post it here as a testament to the miracle. Chris just thought that was too weird.
We had a fantastic cookout this evening (which came in a close second to the pie) and my youngest brother had us all in stitches - all fourteen of the family and dear friends that sat in my parents' living room tonight. Andrew read an article about the history of Memorial Day and Emma drew a picture of a man saying the Pledge of Allegiance, standing next to the flag.
Summer's now here, in spirit anyway. But I won't start my summer until the solstice. I guess I'm old-fashioned. But at least my belly is full of chocolate pie.
DAILY BLISS: Serious progress on the porch painting and the sheer number of my dear ones that are all living in the same town.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Cypress Gardens Day
Okay....pictures from Cypress Gardens Day (mentioned last time I had a few minutes to blog...):
This is Emma, sincerely wishing that a butterfly would land on her. She was trying to look like a plant. Really.
This is my Young Conservationist, captivated by the butterfly nursery. He has such a sweet love for all of God's creation - especially the tiniest ones.
This is my attempt to get us all three in a photo. I missed.
Ferris Wheel...
Carousel...
And Giant Water Attraction!!!
This was, by far, the highlight of the day. That big tiki head on the top fills up with water and dumps out on everything every five mintues or so!
Emma summed it up well when I told the kids it was time to go. She asked, "how do you say goodbye to your favorite place in the world?" I guess they enjoyed it!
This is Emma, sincerely wishing that a butterfly would land on her. She was trying to look like a plant. Really.
This is my Young Conservationist, captivated by the butterfly nursery. He has such a sweet love for all of God's creation - especially the tiniest ones.
This is my attempt to get us all three in a photo. I missed.
Ferris Wheel...
Carousel...
And Giant Water Attraction!!!
This was, by far, the highlight of the day. That big tiki head on the top fills up with water and dumps out on everything every five mintues or so!
Emma summed it up well when I told the kids it was time to go. She asked, "how do you say goodbye to your favorite place in the world?" I guess they enjoyed it!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
By the Way
I did win that historic preservation award for my porch a couple weeks ago! A very proud moment for me, indeed!
Catch-Up
Um, okay. There has been enough of a gap here that it is daunting to think of catching up. But since I do this for me, and not for you, gentle reader, I will attempt to do just that over the next couple of days.
Last Friday's bliss segued into the loveliest of weekends, during which we decided to do nothing useful. We sat on the porch a lot and we talked a lot. We also watched three whole Harry Potter movies (Chris just doesn't have time to read the books, and I must have him understand the plots so I can talk to him about them).
Monday was Cypress Gardens day for the kids' school. Yes, grades K-5 rounded up their parents, purchased school group discount tickets and headed out for a day of sweat and sunburn. Since this activity involves lots of photos, I will save it for another day.
Today was the last day of school. Chris took the day off so he could pick up the kids after the early dismissal and so he could attend the awards ceremony. Drew won every conceivable award from reading to overall academics to typing to running (it wore me out just to email the list to my family) and Emma's teacher would like to keep her for one more year, if it's at all possible. They went to a friend's house for a pool party and hot dogs, and tonight, oh tonight....
Tonight is Dudes' Night at Uncle Jon's house. That means XBox and pizza. Probably lots of scratching and unpleasant aromas as well.
This happy occurrence left the evening available for girls' night. We decided against a restaurant and opted for crab legs and lemon sorbet at home. We laid out a tablecloth and fine, floral china. We poured ginger ale into wine goblets. Emma made place cards and we lit six little candles. I even splurged for roses to put on the table. Ahhhhh. It was just right! Such pleasant conversation! We adjourned to the porch for dessert (also served in wine goblets, of course) and spoke of the things that bother and buzz about in a no-longer-kindergarten, newly-first-grade girl's mind.
What if there were no vowels? This is the first question I was asked. Well....I had to think this one through. We tried pronouncing lots of different words and the names of our friends with no vowels. I wisely stated, then, that vowels connect the consonants together. Aha. We decided to keep them as part of our speech. The rest of the world can make their own decision about this, but we feel that vowels make life much easier.
We then moved on to ticks. You may think this strange, but ever since I found one on our dog, this has been a genuine concern for her. It was determined that ticks hide in tall grass because other animals hide there, and ticks need other animals so they can eat. I mean, ticks get hungry too, you know. As we listed the different types of animals that ticks might bite, we came down to insects. Do they bite other bugs? I said that they probably don't. Other bugs are way too small to hold enough blood for a tick to eat. She then told me that a rhinoceros beetle was probably big enough for a tick to bite. "Yes, well, I suppose so," was all I could think of to say.
Having solved that matter, she quickly asked me if she could watch a movie before bed. "Yes" I said, "but only if it's a girly movie - it is girls' night, you know."
DAILY BLISS: clearing my desk, lemon sorbet, and enough wind to sound all the notes of my wind chimes
Last Friday's bliss segued into the loveliest of weekends, during which we decided to do nothing useful. We sat on the porch a lot and we talked a lot. We also watched three whole Harry Potter movies (Chris just doesn't have time to read the books, and I must have him understand the plots so I can talk to him about them).
Monday was Cypress Gardens day for the kids' school. Yes, grades K-5 rounded up their parents, purchased school group discount tickets and headed out for a day of sweat and sunburn. Since this activity involves lots of photos, I will save it for another day.
Today was the last day of school. Chris took the day off so he could pick up the kids after the early dismissal and so he could attend the awards ceremony. Drew won every conceivable award from reading to overall academics to typing to running (it wore me out just to email the list to my family) and Emma's teacher would like to keep her for one more year, if it's at all possible. They went to a friend's house for a pool party and hot dogs, and tonight, oh tonight....
Tonight is Dudes' Night at Uncle Jon's house. That means XBox and pizza. Probably lots of scratching and unpleasant aromas as well.
This happy occurrence left the evening available for girls' night. We decided against a restaurant and opted for crab legs and lemon sorbet at home. We laid out a tablecloth and fine, floral china. We poured ginger ale into wine goblets. Emma made place cards and we lit six little candles. I even splurged for roses to put on the table. Ahhhhh. It was just right! Such pleasant conversation! We adjourned to the porch for dessert (also served in wine goblets, of course) and spoke of the things that bother and buzz about in a no-longer-kindergarten, newly-first-grade girl's mind.
What if there were no vowels? This is the first question I was asked. Well....I had to think this one through. We tried pronouncing lots of different words and the names of our friends with no vowels. I wisely stated, then, that vowels connect the consonants together. Aha. We decided to keep them as part of our speech. The rest of the world can make their own decision about this, but we feel that vowels make life much easier.
We then moved on to ticks. You may think this strange, but ever since I found one on our dog, this has been a genuine concern for her. It was determined that ticks hide in tall grass because other animals hide there, and ticks need other animals so they can eat. I mean, ticks get hungry too, you know. As we listed the different types of animals that ticks might bite, we came down to insects. Do they bite other bugs? I said that they probably don't. Other bugs are way too small to hold enough blood for a tick to eat. She then told me that a rhinoceros beetle was probably big enough for a tick to bite. "Yes, well, I suppose so," was all I could think of to say.
Having solved that matter, she quickly asked me if she could watch a movie before bed. "Yes" I said, "but only if it's a girly movie - it is girls' night, you know."
DAILY BLISS: clearing my desk, lemon sorbet, and enough wind to sound all the notes of my wind chimes
Friday, May 18, 2007
Much-Needed Bliss
It's been a tough week, I guess. Every day felt like it was supposed to be Friday, which made each ensuing morning pretty crappy. I've been teetering on the edge of that black hole that people (or at least weirdos like me) tumble into when they're not taking care of themselves or are stretched too thin or whatever. I know it's there, and I know I'm on the brink of it, but I haven't been able to do anything about it. I was thinking about that last night and feeling pretty low, and decided I'd blog about it today. But I also made sure to spend some time in prayer too, and I have to say that today brought some respite from the grind of life, and made me decide not to spend time in sad blogger hell.
I spent an iTunes card last night and got some new music - some at the suggestion of my rock star brother (Jon) and some old Styx songs too. I'm more embarrassed to admit I bought Styx songs than I am to proclaim how much I like Herb Alpert's music. Anyway, the office was quiet today, as I was the only one there, and I got to listen to all my new songs. I had to leave early for a Mom's lunch put on by Emma's kindergarten class. My boss told me to take the rest of the afternoon too. I think what he said was that I had "busted my butt" enough this week and I should just enjoy the rest of the day. Truer words have seldom been spoken. So I did enjoy it.
I checked Emma out of school after the luncheon (Drew was taking a test, so he couldn't come) and we went to the local botanical garden/cool playground. It was a nice day - breezy, but a little hot. We decided to play on the swings and then go see the flowers. We parked far away from the flowers, actually, and close to the swings. This was not significant at the time.
Just as we meandered into the garden, a raindrop actually landed in my eye - even though I was wearing sunglasses. It was a warning shot. The moment we reached the far end of the garden coincided with the moment of a torrential downpour - a sun shower - with no roiling black clouds, thunder, or lightning. Surprise! That 10% chance of rain landed right on our heads! We were instantly soaked, so why bother running to the car? Plus, the car was far away, as I said earlier. Emma and I started to just laugh and then she ran for it. Sensibly, you would think that she ran for cover under a pergola, right? Wrong. And this is perhaps one of the proudest moments of my life as a mother. All that I have poured into her has come out just as I had hoped it would. She ran straight to the middle of the garden with her hands held high in the air! So I did too. We did a little rain dancing and slowly made our way to the car, soaked to the skin. My little high-heeled sandals that I had put on for work earlier did not help us get there any faster. But, that was okay by me. It was all I needed, really. We came home and I washed her hair and set her up with a milk bath (with extra fragrance oil at her request - she's nearly as professional at bathing as I am!) and a candle and some homemade sugar scrub. Then I laid down on my amazing bed and just....well....just did that.
I think I can soldier on now.
DAILY BLISS: My card from the luncheon - Em had drawn me laying in a red canopy bed eating grapes while she (dressed like a genie, of course) fanned me with a palm frond! Also, the look on Andrew's face today when he realized the truth - the Star Wars theme music is TOTALLY pirated from Holst's "Mars." Priceless.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The Home Stretch
The last concert/event of the school year was tonight! Yay! I can see the end from here - and it may inspire me to make it through the next week. What a welcome feeling on a Tuesday that seemed like a Friday. I sure hope tomorrow doesn't feel like Saturday. That would be pretty sucky when I have to go to work anyway.
So, tonight was the annual Spring Concert, with the handbells, the beginner band, the middle school band and the elementary chorus all performing. I really enjoyed it! Andrew was singing in the chorus - he'll be in beginner band next year.
I just love seeing kids enjoying the gift of music! Middle school and high school music programs were such a defining force in my own life. I can't believe I'm watching my son walk through the same doors.
He certainly can't be old enough for this!
I shook hands with the band director, discussed instrument rental contracts and wondered what kind of band mom I'd be.
I certainly can't be old enough to be a band mom! Yikes!
Maybe I'll be the mom that lets my kids be independent and watches from the sidelines. Maybe I'll be that pushy mom that's always sure my kid is the best one out there - because I went out front and cleared the path for them. Maybe I'll be the nice mom who brings sodas to practice and drives all the kids to concerts and stuff. Hm. We'll see. I think this is the first time I can say "it's come full circle" about something in my life. Well, at least the ends of the circle are about to meet. I know that'll happen more and more as I age, but I'm rather taken by this first one. It's an interesting thing to stop and examine as objectively as possible.
So many of my friends have small children yet. I can't say I didn't get an early start, but it is an odd feeling to be trekking out ahead of the parenting pack. I got un-invited to my first birthday party. He asked if I was going. I said, "well, do you want me to go?" I would if he did. He said, "not really." Oh. Okay.
And really, it is okay. My feelings aren't hurt (not deeply, anyway), but it made me pause for a minute. I'm not ready for this. But life doesn't give you a chance to be ready.
DAILY BLISS: Emma's curly hair, enjoying friends' baby stories without feeling like I need another baby, Peter Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" song. People just don't whistle enough anymore.
So, tonight was the annual Spring Concert, with the handbells, the beginner band, the middle school band and the elementary chorus all performing. I really enjoyed it! Andrew was singing in the chorus - he'll be in beginner band next year.
I just love seeing kids enjoying the gift of music! Middle school and high school music programs were such a defining force in my own life. I can't believe I'm watching my son walk through the same doors.
He certainly can't be old enough for this!
I shook hands with the band director, discussed instrument rental contracts and wondered what kind of band mom I'd be.
I certainly can't be old enough to be a band mom! Yikes!
Maybe I'll be the mom that lets my kids be independent and watches from the sidelines. Maybe I'll be that pushy mom that's always sure my kid is the best one out there - because I went out front and cleared the path for them. Maybe I'll be the nice mom who brings sodas to practice and drives all the kids to concerts and stuff. Hm. We'll see. I think this is the first time I can say "it's come full circle" about something in my life. Well, at least the ends of the circle are about to meet. I know that'll happen more and more as I age, but I'm rather taken by this first one. It's an interesting thing to stop and examine as objectively as possible.
So many of my friends have small children yet. I can't say I didn't get an early start, but it is an odd feeling to be trekking out ahead of the parenting pack. I got un-invited to my first birthday party. He asked if I was going. I said, "well, do you want me to go?" I would if he did. He said, "not really." Oh. Okay.
And really, it is okay. My feelings aren't hurt (not deeply, anyway), but it made me pause for a minute. I'm not ready for this. But life doesn't give you a chance to be ready.
DAILY BLISS: Emma's curly hair, enjoying friends' baby stories without feeling like I need another baby, Peter Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" song. People just don't whistle enough anymore.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Shameless
I made a shameless attempt to be a cool mom this weekend. Shameless. Well, there was a little shame involved. We had the big pizza party today, so I had to go shopping last night for snacks (WalMart at 11:00 PM - ugh!). I trudged mindlessly around the store, having finally made it, and started grabbing stuff I knew would be cool.
I really want to be a cool mom. More than I ever wanted to be a cool teenager. I had two brothers, so I know a little bit about what boys like to do when they're hanging out. Mostly, those things involve junk food and video games. See? I've got this down!
Anyway, I'm getting off track. I grabbed all the junk that I never keep in my house. Trans-fats, sugar sodas, puffy things coated in powdered cheese substitute and other such delights began to fill my cart. As I headed for the check-out lane, the red blush of hot shame began to creep up my neck into my face. What must all these people be thinking of me? I was sure every woman would be judging me, a 30-ish woman, all by herself in the middle of the night with a cart full of junk.
I take pride (maybe that's my problem) in filling my grocery cart with organic rice milk, interesting fresh vegetables, whole grain bread and brown rice. I love it when the people scanning my items ask me what jicama is and how to cook it. It makes me feel so wholesome and motherish. But here I was, my cart full of oreos and freezie pops, chips and soda. I was compelled to smile at people near me and point to my items, declaring with an exaggerated eye-roll, "Sleepover!" just so they knew.
Then I realized,"Hey! I'm at WalMart! My cart STILL looks healthier than most of the other ones in here!"
Of course, I went through all the other mental conversation about ignoring the perception of judgment where there probably is none. But mostly, the successful pep talk was reminding myself that I was still doing okay compared to everyone else.
And then I handed the Oreos back to the cashier. I told her that I didn't really think we were going to need ALL of this. She just nodded and didn't really care.
DAILY BLISS: Having eight children in the house and handling it well, painting lots of porch trim, and then having a hot shower to wash off most of the paint.
I really want to be a cool mom. More than I ever wanted to be a cool teenager. I had two brothers, so I know a little bit about what boys like to do when they're hanging out. Mostly, those things involve junk food and video games. See? I've got this down!
Anyway, I'm getting off track. I grabbed all the junk that I never keep in my house. Trans-fats, sugar sodas, puffy things coated in powdered cheese substitute and other such delights began to fill my cart. As I headed for the check-out lane, the red blush of hot shame began to creep up my neck into my face. What must all these people be thinking of me? I was sure every woman would be judging me, a 30-ish woman, all by herself in the middle of the night with a cart full of junk.
I take pride (maybe that's my problem) in filling my grocery cart with organic rice milk, interesting fresh vegetables, whole grain bread and brown rice. I love it when the people scanning my items ask me what jicama is and how to cook it. It makes me feel so wholesome and motherish. But here I was, my cart full of oreos and freezie pops, chips and soda. I was compelled to smile at people near me and point to my items, declaring with an exaggerated eye-roll, "Sleepover!" just so they knew.
Then I realized,"Hey! I'm at WalMart! My cart STILL looks healthier than most of the other ones in here!"
Of course, I went through all the other mental conversation about ignoring the perception of judgment where there probably is none. But mostly, the successful pep talk was reminding myself that I was still doing okay compared to everyone else.
And then I handed the Oreos back to the cashier. I told her that I didn't really think we were going to need ALL of this. She just nodded and didn't really care.
DAILY BLISS: Having eight children in the house and handling it well, painting lots of porch trim, and then having a hot shower to wash off most of the paint.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Recital
This was Andrew's big night. He was in a recital last year, too, but he was still pretty nervous this time around. I was always nervous about recitals, concerts, and anything else on a stage too. It was paralyzing sometimes - I would shake uncontrollably, and then when I left the stage, my whole body turned into jello for a while. I would imagine that's a little bit like how he felt, from the look on his face.
It's a really different experience watching your kid perform. On the one hand, there's a little piece of me - my heart to be precise - parading out on that stage. I have absolutely no control over the results. I was nearly as nervous waiting for his turn as I always was for myself. You really want them to do well, so the other parents know what a fabulous mother you are - how superior your genes are and all that. You also want them to perform well so that they get that sense of accomplishment, having performed well. There's nothing like that feeling! All your hopes are tempered by fear. The fear that they will mess up or throw up. The fear that you will be embarrassed, and even worse, the fear that they will be embarrassed. That would honestly be worse for me
I brought my little homemade oatmeal cookies on a plate and we took our seats. We were joined by a hodgepodge of other family members - an aunt-less uncle and an uncle-less aunt, and my grandparents. We agonized through the second graders and the early third graders. Toward the end of the third grade roster, some of the kids added their left hand to the keys. You only then begin to realize how impressive that really is.
Drew held a place of honor - last in the fourth grade to play. That means he's the top fourth grader! She only teaches through fifth grade at the school and told him that he will likely have the honor of the last slot of the recital next year! That's pretty big news (my boy!).
Anyway, he did really well. His piece was obviously more complicated than the kids that came before him. He paused for a note or two in the middle of the song, but all in all, pulled it off well. Especially considering how nervous he looked! He also got a certificate for learning the whole set of flash cards for the year, and one for learning more than 35 songs. Up next, Chopin's Revolutionary Etude! Maybe he can conquer that beast - I never quite did! Wait....not that I'm trying to live vicariously...oh, man.
DAILY BLISS: the way my boy looks in navy pants and a tucked-in, button-up shirt; finally eating one of those cookies I made yesterday, and knowing that my little boxes got to New Orleans in good shape today!
<3 Christy
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Insanity
We are wrapping up the insane last weeks of the school year. Emma's had two field trips within the past couple of weeks, Andrew has two this week, we have a joint field trip coming up on the 21st.....all of them have to be paid for, some of them require sack lunches...
Drew has a piano recital and a choir concert in the next week, I had to finish my service hour requirement for the school (I worked in the library-that was more fun than supervising a room full of sweaty kids, I guess).
We have summer day camp and swimming lessons to arrange, vacation bible school and all the crap you have to already do for next school year. We had to already order school supplies (I didn't get that form in on time-guess I'll have to brave The Aisle at WalMart in July) and sign up for piano and band. Not to mention chess club and science club - both of which Emma will probably join with Andrew this year.
(Heaving sigh)
I find that I am falling asleep when I sit down for more than a few minutes. That's very odd for me. Sleep doesn't usually find me, even when I am obviously waiting for it in my bed at night. Having sleep find me in broad daylight? It's cause for concern.
Did I mention that we're throwing a pizza party for six boys and two girls on Saturday? That'll be going on while we try to finish painting the porch.
OH! By the way, it looks like we're winning a historic preservation award from Historic Lakeland, Inc. We were nominated earlier in the year (for the work we did on the porch) and the reception/presentation is on Monday the 14th. I am trying not to allow this to be just another item on my list. I'm super-proud of my house, and I'm surprisingly passionate about making it into what it should be.
Sorry to run down my to-do list here. I really didn't mean to. It just came tumbling out of my fingers as I tried to think of what to write.
DAILY BLISS: Making my famous oatmeal cookies for Andrew's piano recital (I'm pretty much just famous for salsa and oatmeal cookies, but not together) and wearing pigtails that stick up on the top, even though I'm every bit of 30 years old.
<3 Christy
Drew has a piano recital and a choir concert in the next week, I had to finish my service hour requirement for the school (I worked in the library-that was more fun than supervising a room full of sweaty kids, I guess).
We have summer day camp and swimming lessons to arrange, vacation bible school and all the crap you have to already do for next school year. We had to already order school supplies (I didn't get that form in on time-guess I'll have to brave The Aisle at WalMart in July) and sign up for piano and band. Not to mention chess club and science club - both of which Emma will probably join with Andrew this year.
(Heaving sigh)
I find that I am falling asleep when I sit down for more than a few minutes. That's very odd for me. Sleep doesn't usually find me, even when I am obviously waiting for it in my bed at night. Having sleep find me in broad daylight? It's cause for concern.
Did I mention that we're throwing a pizza party for six boys and two girls on Saturday? That'll be going on while we try to finish painting the porch.
OH! By the way, it looks like we're winning a historic preservation award from Historic Lakeland, Inc. We were nominated earlier in the year (for the work we did on the porch) and the reception/presentation is on Monday the 14th. I am trying not to allow this to be just another item on my list. I'm super-proud of my house, and I'm surprisingly passionate about making it into what it should be.
Sorry to run down my to-do list here. I really didn't mean to. It just came tumbling out of my fingers as I tried to think of what to write.
DAILY BLISS: Making my famous oatmeal cookies for Andrew's piano recital (I'm pretty much just famous for salsa and oatmeal cookies, but not together) and wearing pigtails that stick up on the top, even though I'm every bit of 30 years old.
<3 Christy
Monday, May 7, 2007
Inheritance
We have had the strangest dip in temperature today. Lovely rain rolled through last night - thunder and all - kicking up the dry dust. And today, it is windy and gorgeously cool. Very strange for May, but I will take it!
My parents brought home some cool stuff for me from my grandparents' house in Wisconsin yesterday. I got a vintage (late fifties - early sixties) Handy Hannah blue hair blow dryer, a load of records and a few of grandma's sleeveless, cotton, button-up shirts (I mentioned those in the blog right after she passed away - somebody must have read it!). The records are a real treasure to me. Music and history are the things that help me feel connected to my grandpa. He played trombone in a swing band back in the day. At any rate, it's nice to know the feeling is mutual. He's not one to say much about it, but sending me a Bing Crosby White Christmas/God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen 78 is saying enough! I also got a whole set of one of my favorites - Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. I know it's weird, but I just love that music, and I don't claim to be normal! Kay Starr, Patti Paige, Nat King Cole.....you name it. It's all there! I burst into ridiculous sobs when my dad called me from the airport and told me what he'd brought for me.
Anyway, I put the cute little powder-blue hair dryer on display in my vintage-style bathroom, buttoned up a yellow polka-dot shirt, and threw my yellow-flowered apron over my head. I stood by the stove with no shoes on stirring the spaghetti, and then walked out on the back porch to lean over the rail and feel the wind. Moments like that don't come every day, but I believe that when they do, everything else should be neglected in favor of eating them up!
DAILY BLISS: powering through a crazy pile of paperwork, berry-flavored Mike-and-Ikes, and headbands that help you look put-together even when you are SO not.
<3 Christy
My parents brought home some cool stuff for me from my grandparents' house in Wisconsin yesterday. I got a vintage (late fifties - early sixties) Handy Hannah blue hair blow dryer, a load of records and a few of grandma's sleeveless, cotton, button-up shirts (I mentioned those in the blog right after she passed away - somebody must have read it!). The records are a real treasure to me. Music and history are the things that help me feel connected to my grandpa. He played trombone in a swing band back in the day. At any rate, it's nice to know the feeling is mutual. He's not one to say much about it, but sending me a Bing Crosby White Christmas/God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen 78 is saying enough! I also got a whole set of one of my favorites - Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. I know it's weird, but I just love that music, and I don't claim to be normal! Kay Starr, Patti Paige, Nat King Cole.....you name it. It's all there! I burst into ridiculous sobs when my dad called me from the airport and told me what he'd brought for me.
Anyway, I put the cute little powder-blue hair dryer on display in my vintage-style bathroom, buttoned up a yellow polka-dot shirt, and threw my yellow-flowered apron over my head. I stood by the stove with no shoes on stirring the spaghetti, and then walked out on the back porch to lean over the rail and feel the wind. Moments like that don't come every day, but I believe that when they do, everything else should be neglected in favor of eating them up!
DAILY BLISS: powering through a crazy pile of paperwork, berry-flavored Mike-and-Ikes, and headbands that help you look put-together even when you are SO not.
<3 Christy
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Kiki's Suds
So, you all know I've been having so much fun making spa stuff. I decided to call my "company" Kiki's Suds - my little brother Joe used to call me Kiki when he was a baby, and it's my auntie name now. Not that I have real nieces and nephews, just surrogate ones. Here's my little logo sticker:
It really has been fun, but it came down to the wire today. It's an easy project, making the stuff and putting it in cute little containers, but in large quantity, anything is tough. I made 100 little Vacation-in-a-Box kits to send to pastor's wives in New Orleans. Here's what's in the box (a lotion, a sugar scrub, and a milk bath) and a look at just how many little boxes there are!
Hm. That's not the photo I thought it was. Well, that's half of them, stacked five tall.
Anyway, aside from that (which took up much of my day), we went to a Cinco de Mayo party - a big one! Yay for margaritas and Mexico! I made my famous salsa and was complimented up and down, which is pretty much why I make it. I'm a glutton for affirmation. And I've been working on a little mom's day thingie for my mama.
Whew! As we say here in Polk County, "My ass is plumb wore out!"
Anyway, I was singing a lullaby to the kids tonight - it's one of my favorites, a Bing Crosby song from White Christmas called "Count Your Blessings." And the words just really struck me this time around. "When I worry and I can't sleep, I count my blessings intead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." The truth is, I have so many that I don't think I could count them. Just knowing that today should make it pretty easy to fall asleep.
DAILY BLISS: Wrapping 100 little boxes, my brother's goofy Cinco de Mayo hat and mashed potatoes!
<3 Christy
It really has been fun, but it came down to the wire today. It's an easy project, making the stuff and putting it in cute little containers, but in large quantity, anything is tough. I made 100 little Vacation-in-a-Box kits to send to pastor's wives in New Orleans. Here's what's in the box (a lotion, a sugar scrub, and a milk bath) and a look at just how many little boxes there are!
Hm. That's not the photo I thought it was. Well, that's half of them, stacked five tall.
Anyway, aside from that (which took up much of my day), we went to a Cinco de Mayo party - a big one! Yay for margaritas and Mexico! I made my famous salsa and was complimented up and down, which is pretty much why I make it. I'm a glutton for affirmation. And I've been working on a little mom's day thingie for my mama.
Whew! As we say here in Polk County, "My ass is plumb wore out!"
Anyway, I was singing a lullaby to the kids tonight - it's one of my favorites, a Bing Crosby song from White Christmas called "Count Your Blessings." And the words just really struck me this time around. "When I worry and I can't sleep, I count my blessings intead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." The truth is, I have so many that I don't think I could count them. Just knowing that today should make it pretty easy to fall asleep.
DAILY BLISS: Wrapping 100 little boxes, my brother's goofy Cinco de Mayo hat and mashed potatoes!
<3 Christy
Friday, May 4, 2007
Proud
I was walking my kids to their classes this morning, when this surge of pride overtook my very soul. I realized that they were both wearing their bright red Student of the Month shirts (which they are allowed to wear on Fridays). I felt like I was walking out on stage in front of all the other moms with two bright, big, first-place-parenting-award badges stuck to the front of my shirt. How great! Yes, that's right you little SUV-driving, tennis-playing, personal-trainer-hiring, stay-at-home moms! MY children are BOTH students of the month! Ha!
Of course, rationally, I know that I can only take so much credit for that. They have a wonderful daddy and a very involved extended family, too. Plus, having kids is kind of a crapshoot. You just don't know what you're going to get. But still - both kids. Student of the Month. Awesome!
I guess I was standing in the right line when God was handing out kids.
<3 Christy
Of course, rationally, I know that I can only take so much credit for that. They have a wonderful daddy and a very involved extended family, too. Plus, having kids is kind of a crapshoot. You just don't know what you're going to get. But still - both kids. Student of the Month. Awesome!
I guess I was standing in the right line when God was handing out kids.
<3 Christy
Thursday, May 3, 2007
House-Sitting
Hey - we're house-sitting for my parents.
Three red-headed poodles (including mine), wireless internet and cable tv! Yessss! I have had my fill of HGTV and Food Network. I now know about a man who restores vintage stoves in Georgia. That's as close to lust as I've been in a while. Filing that one away for later - I mean for when I remodel my kitchen.
I have folded 100 little white boxes (while watching The Office) in which to put happy little jars of sugar scrub and lotion and milk bath. My little creations will be sent off to New Orleans on Saturday.
The kids are also enjoying the cable - though their tv privileges were revoked today due to a back-seat brawl that I will not detail here. It was shameful.
In spite of this generally disagreeable behavior, Emma received a student of the month award this week. She was very impressed with herself as Andrew always is nominated early in the year (every year). I have photos and will try to post sometime when my camera and my little cable are both in the same house.
It seems that I made a mental list thoughout the day of all the wonderful things I was going to write about here. That list has evaporated. I'm seriously drawing a blank.
DAILY BLISS: Edy's frozen fruit bars (the lime ones!), folding bulletins with Julianna at work, and watching way too much tv.
<3 Christy
Three red-headed poodles (including mine), wireless internet and cable tv! Yessss! I have had my fill of HGTV and Food Network. I now know about a man who restores vintage stoves in Georgia. That's as close to lust as I've been in a while. Filing that one away for later - I mean for when I remodel my kitchen.
I have folded 100 little white boxes (while watching The Office) in which to put happy little jars of sugar scrub and lotion and milk bath. My little creations will be sent off to New Orleans on Saturday.
The kids are also enjoying the cable - though their tv privileges were revoked today due to a back-seat brawl that I will not detail here. It was shameful.
In spite of this generally disagreeable behavior, Emma received a student of the month award this week. She was very impressed with herself as Andrew always is nominated early in the year (every year). I have photos and will try to post sometime when my camera and my little cable are both in the same house.
It seems that I made a mental list thoughout the day of all the wonderful things I was going to write about here. That list has evaporated. I'm seriously drawing a blank.
DAILY BLISS: Edy's frozen fruit bars (the lime ones!), folding bulletins with Julianna at work, and watching way too much tv.
<3 Christy
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
What I have been up to:
I am very busily pretending to be an entrepreneur. That's about all I'm doing right now. When you toss in the regular stuff of work and parenting, that's about all I can handle. I've been rather snappish with the DH, poor thing. He's very forgiving and has been helping me with cooking AND with the dishes. Maybe I should be snappish more often? Nah.
Took Em to her monthly private ballet lesson today. She really loves having her teacher all to herself! I'm one of those weird moms - maybe I should say I'm THE weird mom, because I don't know any others who do this - who directs the music and flails her arms about in the air pretending to be a ballerina when they dance to Tchaikovsky - my very favorite musical storyteller. Emma has come to love the drama of Romeo and Juliet, which I own on vinyl, and played as I went to sleep for at least my entire tenth grade year of high school. Probably longer than that. I know the places it's supposed to crackle and skip. That's kind of sad.
I had a nice boyfriend who bought tickets for us to see the Florida Orchestra perform this, among other glorious works. We were late and missed it, as it was the first piece they played. Ah, well. BTW, he didn't last long.
Wish me luck as I am trying to coordinate a way to repay, all at once, all of the lovely mothers who have had my children over to their houses over the last couple of months. I am contemplating a pizza party. There will be at least five nine-year-old boys. Holy cannoli. And maybe a couple of kindergarten girls. Yikes!
DAILY BLISS: I finally printed some sugar scrub labels that worked! That is a sweet victory, and I also learned to use SnagIt in the process. My brain is thinking of so many applications in my life for this wonderful little software. I know - I am very backward since I have not heard of it before. I apologize for being so behind-the-times. Sorry. This is turning into another paragraph. Sorry again.
Other Bliss: The gorgeous moon shining into my back yard.
<3 Christy
Took Em to her monthly private ballet lesson today. She really loves having her teacher all to herself! I'm one of those weird moms - maybe I should say I'm THE weird mom, because I don't know any others who do this - who directs the music and flails her arms about in the air pretending to be a ballerina when they dance to Tchaikovsky - my very favorite musical storyteller. Emma has come to love the drama of Romeo and Juliet, which I own on vinyl, and played as I went to sleep for at least my entire tenth grade year of high school. Probably longer than that. I know the places it's supposed to crackle and skip. That's kind of sad.
I had a nice boyfriend who bought tickets for us to see the Florida Orchestra perform this, among other glorious works. We were late and missed it, as it was the first piece they played. Ah, well. BTW, he didn't last long.
Wish me luck as I am trying to coordinate a way to repay, all at once, all of the lovely mothers who have had my children over to their houses over the last couple of months. I am contemplating a pizza party. There will be at least five nine-year-old boys. Holy cannoli. And maybe a couple of kindergarten girls. Yikes!
DAILY BLISS: I finally printed some sugar scrub labels that worked! That is a sweet victory, and I also learned to use SnagIt in the process. My brain is thinking of so many applications in my life for this wonderful little software. I know - I am very backward since I have not heard of it before. I apologize for being so behind-the-times. Sorry. This is turning into another paragraph. Sorry again.
Other Bliss: The gorgeous moon shining into my back yard.
<3 Christy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)