Dear Innocent Bystanders in the Southgate Publix Parking Lot:
I offer you all my most sincere apologies.
When I put on a dress this morning, I neglected to check the weather forecast. I didn't know there would be mischievous gusts of wind lurking in the parking lot.
Had I been a Responsible Citizen, I would have (a) taken care of that slight wedgie, making sure there was even coverage, (b) been more careful getting out of the car, and (c) lost 15 pounds before you were forced to see my kit and kaboodle.
I did my best to control the damage. I quickly straightened out the front of the dress only to have the back fly out behind me. As I grabbed the back, the front swirled straight out again.
I really thought that sort of thing only happened in cartoons. I have learned my lesson.
Plus, I really hope that I don't know any of you.
I mean it.